


silver linings

by littlealex



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-12
Updated: 2009-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-12 07:17:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlealex/pseuds/littlealex





	silver linings

Kame looks in the mirror and doesn't see what everyone else sees. He knows that nobody does, that one's perception of oneself is invariably different from other people's, but sometimes he feels the onus of his image. What other people see when they look at him is a brand. He's part of a color scheme concocted to draw people into the brand of KAT-TUN. He's two-dimensional and shallow, and people only contemplate what's under his skin when they talk about the entertainment business' dirty habits - plastic surgery and eating disorders and drug abuse.

They might see footage of a twelve year old looking awkward on stage, but they'll never understand the feeling of humiliation being scolded by choreographers in front of a full rehearsal room. They might hear news stories about his rapid weight loss when he was busy with a drama, but they'll never know what it was like to have to decide between food or sleep at age nineteen. They might watch a grown man in a multicolored suit sing songs and prance around on stage, but they'll never know why those moments are some of his proudest.

He thinks sometimes that people would understand, if only they were given the chance. If he could tell people everything, all the bad things as well as all the good things, without sugar coating or drawing a silver lining other than the one he'd drawn for himself. If people would bother to listen, they might understand. Everyone understood public humiliation. Everyone understood putting their health on the line for things they were passionate about. Everyone understood pride.

But as much as he knows he's better - more complex, more complete, more interesting - than the flat image on the television screen, he knows that nobody else will ever see it. He's the only one who can look into the mirror and see what he does: all his flaws, all his pratfalls, all his accomplishments, and all his improvements. And as much as he wants to destroy the idea that he's just part of a brand - just an item on the supermarket shelf in the aisle of Japanese entertainment, vying to be prettier, a better actor, a more pure image than the rest - he knows it's better this way.

This way, everyone else can have his image and buy his idol, and his soul won't be divided in the process.


End file.
